Dear God (or God’s HR dept. head)

Too many of your children are indulging in unwanted behavior and making life difficult here for peaceful souls out here.. All out of excessive love for you. They just make too much noise and create utter chaos, giving one a constant head-ache.

Could you please call for a press-meet and add the following to the existing collection of your good words?

  1. Follow my words and be good. But don’t go about ‘correcting’ kids who don’t. Let them be bad and go to hell. Just imagine.. the fewer people who go to heaven, the more space, goodies and attention you would get when you come to heaven. Makes sense, doesn’t it? 😉
  2. Don’t waste time educating people who tell you that I do not exist, or that I am not the best God in the market. They are just jealous. They are not worth you raising your BP over. Calm down and go read a book. I’ll take care of them later.
  3. Awww baby. . you try so hard to protect and save me. I am so touched. But forget all that and concentrate on your own studies, work, relationships and life now. I am quite capable of handling those bullies by myself.
  4. (Edited to add) Child, I am old and am highly sensitive when it comes to loud noises, bright twinkling lights etc. I would appreciate it if you do not celebrate me with loudspeakers, bells, light strings and the like.
That should be enough to put a stop to the nonsense.
Thanks in advance,

11 thoughts on “Dear God (or God’s HR dept. head)

  1. hehe, the constant noise and hassle over this stuff is annoying. Not to mention the weddings that take place every fortnight and EVERY person in the community is disturbed. Gah!

    • Totally. Let’s add a point#4 in this letter..
      4. Child, I am old and am highly sensitive when it comes to loud noises, bright twinkling lights etc. I would appreciate it if you do not celebrate me with loudspeakers, bells, light strings and the like.

  2. The non-obnoxious gods are extinct.

    Gods are parasitic software that infects, and runs in human brains, much like a computer-virus can infect and run on your computer. To survive they need a breeding-rate in excess of unity, that is, before the current carrier of the god dies or becomes a non-believer, on the average more than one new believer must have been gained.

    There are two ways of achieving this. One is to infect existing humans, which requires somehow transmitting and installing the software in new humans. The other method is to fabricate new human beings, and try to install the god during their formative years, when you are in a position of power and trust over them, and you can abuse this trust to install malicious software.

    Successful gods thus include in the very core of their teachings (infact it’s the only mandatory part of their teachings) instructions which promote spreading the god. Preaching and trying to convert non-believers, or insistence on child-rich families (say by calling contraception a ‘sin’) is common, and to be expected.

    Gods who do neither of these exist, but tend to die out quickly. For the same reason that computer-viruses that does not infect new computers, also die out.

    • Addendum: The parallell runs deeper. The simplest way of installing the software in new brains, is to use a Trojan, that is, package the god as a part of a larger package that appears to be benevolent, thus tricking the user into agreeing to the installation.

      The common way of doing that, is to send “missionaries” to countries substantially poorer than your own. They deliver a package consisting of education, healthcare, nourishment and god. Parents typically agree to have this package installed in their children, motivated by the benevolent components. And who can blame them ? If my children where hungry, I’d likely also agree to send them to a place that fed them healthy food, taught them to read, and instructed them to believe in God.

  3. Just in case, any press meet is in plan

    Could you do me a favor?????

    Telecast it live across the planet…….. puulllllleeeeezzzzzzzzz

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