Hey Mister, why do you like me Naive?

Hello my charming Knight.

This is me, your sweetie-pie – little Miss. Naive.

Someone asked me my name the other day. “Call me Miss. Naive”, I said, smiling sweetly.

The person gave me a confused look. “Sorry, I would need your real name.. not a pseudonym” he said.

I laughed, “You are mistaken, that is my name.”.

Feeling a bit awkward, he said “Err.. sorry. May I have your full name then? First name please”.

It was my turn to look confused. I could not recall my first name. Nor my surname for that matter. Realization dawned that ‘Naive’ is in fact a pseudonym. Something our society insisted on calling me – ever since I was a child. Something YOU insisted on calling me – ever since we met. Something that I had come to believe IS my right identity!

You really like me naive, don’t you?

Whenever I did not do a job right, you glared at me, even shouted at me. But always calmed yourself down saying “Oh.. I shouldn’t expect too much of her. Poor naive girl, she doesn’t know”. You never wanted me to know, did you?

Whenever I messed up in some social situation, you did scold me. You did point out all the mistakes I committed. You told me not to behave like that again. But you never told me why they were mistakes in the first place. You never told me how I could have behaved. Instead, you sulked “My mistake, I should never have left you alone”. I came to believe that I’d be a wreck without you by my side. You never wanted me to feel grown up & capable, did you?

Whenever I looked at someone angry with me at my blunder helplessly, my eyes filled with tears, and said “I did not know I was wrong. No one told me. No one taught me otherwise”, you always defended me – however stupid and wrong I had been. You always snapped at the other person “Don’t dare accuse her. Poor naive girl. Appreciate her innocence”. You did not let me face my mistakes and learn from them. You never wanted me to learn to take responsibility, did you?

Whenever I grew jealous of you talking to a beautiful woman and threw a tantrum, justifying myself with “I am possessive & jealous cos I love you so much”.. you apologized, made the right noises, gave me flowers and said “Sorry darling, I’d never look at another woman”. You hated my insecurity. But you never sat me down & explained that true love is full of trust, and free of petty insecurity. You just said “Baby, you look so cute when you cry and throw tantrums” when I calmed down. You never wanted me to become emotionally mature, did you?

Whenever I was rude to you, accused you unreasonably, called you names, never even returned calls, acted too busy to even say Good night.. you never let the hurt hold you back. You always said “It’s ok baby. I love you”. You never wanted me to learn empathy and compassion, did you?

Whenever I played my silly mind games to manipulate you, you gave in knowingly. You made me feel triumphant about my silly strategies working. You would later play ‘helpless victim of my girl’s manipulative ways’. But you never told me to stop being silly, to grow up. You never wanted me to grow up, did you?

Whenever you said “Baby, you look gorgeous”, you really meant “With those puppy eyes looking eagerly at me for approval, you look as pretty as a naive little pre-school girl”.

Each time you call me ‘baby’, you mean it literally, don’t you?
I always felt scared & helpless when you left me alone. You relished it.

I always felt it “not right” to do anything for myself, by myself. You adored it.

I always felt that it is YOU who lent me completeness. You were proud of it.

You always wanted me to be your little bonsai – shaped to your liking, restricted in growth, with cute little oranges. Something you love to show off to friends.

You never wanted me to be the banyan – growing far and wide, spreading my branches to seek different experiences, gaining confidence from my many aerial roots that lend me strength.

After all, banyans have no pretty flowers, no yummy fruits. Banyans appear too wild, too mighty, too invulnerable – too intimidating. You never wanted me to be confident and not vulnerable, did you?

You really like me naive, don’t you?

May I guess why?

You want to be my protector.

You want to be the provider.

You want to be my teacher.

You want to be my guiding star.

You want to be my savior.

YOU – want to be my life!

Oh no. . I am not accusing you. I am not calling you a chauvinist. I am not calling you a hypocrite.

Sigh.. You are probably naive in your own way. You don’t even know – that subconsciously, you seek to feel powerful by being the banyan that protects me & nurtures me under his shade.

Think about it. You respect and adore that strong, successful woman – the one who oozes confidence, the one who is beautiful in a powerful way, the one who takes control of her own life, the one who is capable of helping and protecting not just herself, but others too. You even seek her help sometimes. You seek her advice, you seek her expertise, you seek her opinion. She understands your inner turmoil. She empathises with you. She soothes you. You are thankful for her friendship. With her, you grow intellectually and emotionally. She is your sakhi.

But you were attracted only to me – little Miss. Naive!

For only I could be your pet puppy. Always wagging my tail when I see you. Always ready to chase my tail just to please you. Your own damsel in distress to save. Innocent, vulnerable, and looking up to you.

Master. I am your pet. .

Sakhi. Ah, such a beautiful word. Exudes trust. Exudes equality. Exudes love – selfless love. Oh, how I long to be that.. your Sakhi!

But .. You really like me just naive, don’t you?


39 thoughts on “Hey Mister, why do you like me Naive?

  1. ๐Ÿ™‚ well i guess things have changed. people are no more naive these days although we would like them to be for our own reasons…

    I guess it stands true for a lot of people …

    • It surprisingly does. I never thought I’d witness this in my generation at least – what with all the education, high-paying jobs, night life, talk of liberalism etc. But it exists – in varying degrees – without the knowledge of the people involved.

  2. Well! Not all knights are the ones as mentioned. There are knights who do accept true sakhis and not just love liitle Ms. Naive. Its just that you should make them understand that
    you are a true sakhi !!!

    • Absolutely agree. This post is for the other kind of knights.. The ones who unfortunately form the majority.
      But I wonder why it is on us to prove our ability to be a sakhi.. Why is it that there is a clear dilineation between lovers and sakhis – satyabhama, rukmini Vs radha, draupadi?

  3. There is also the other side of it. Majority of the girls like and expect her so called beloved
    to be caring and for them caring is just whatever you have mentioned in the post. At the end of the day, to please his darling he feels that he is doing the right thing.
    But few of the skeptical ones feel that knights are dominating and are overpowering them by taking their so called ” freedom” away from them

    • True. That shows such girls’ naivete, which guys encourage. If the expectation is so dumb, why give in to it? Why not ask them to behave more sensibly? It is just a vicious cycle.. With our culture and media telling us that pretty naive girls and protective macho men are the norm, evryone just plays along – in spite of the discomfort. And if something is done in spite of discomfort, it has sub-conscious reasons behind it.. Which is what i had proposes as a conjecture.

      And ‘so called freedom’? ๐Ÿ™‚ No one can take away anyones freedom.. It is just that most women do not recognize theirs! Those of us who do, do not complain abt anyone dominating over us or patronizing us cos we do not let them in the first place! ๐Ÿ˜‰

      However it is really sad to see women who are already naive being kept so. Love should help each other grow.. Not try to just ‘maintain’!

  4. Knighthood is best confined to medieval battlefields and honorary titles.

    In an equitable relationship, no one need playact at being warrior prince extraordinaire.

    Love is a very personal thing. People have preferences, opinions, thoughts.

    Getting into an inequitable relationship is a good way to have a life that is extremely boring, stilted and script-written at best and absolutely, miserable at worst.

    The naรฏve little damsel is adept at providing a pleasant ego boost to the hideously insecure man who professes to love her but wants to own her. The knight in shining armor is excellent at putting on a strong man act and defending his partner from largely imaginary affronts to her “honor”, dignity and person.

    Neither of them are good at being themselves.

    Rarely will they provide those little sparks of genuine warmth that are so endearing to us in relationships.

    They are burdened by their internal contradictions, burdened by their surrender to socially sanctioned and unrealistic roles, burdened by the need to constantly prove that they are indeed who they say they are, burdened by the web of deceit they weave around their own personae.

    Never will they be like that wondrous individual you have so beautifully described towards the end.

    “Innocent” is just a nice way of saying “ignorant”.

    And that is the truth, bitter as it is to the traditionalists.

    Hope you enjoyed Valentine’s day.

    • โ€œInnocentโ€ is just a nice way of saying โ€œignorantโ€.. Precisely my thoughts. Wonder why this society considers trying to educate the innocent/ignorant as something snobbish and even evil. Makes me want to be all the more snobbish and evil.

  5. Quite well written and the message just comes pouring through… one actually chooses what one ought to be or be treated like! ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. love the banyan tree metaphor! this has to be the best i’ve come across on your blog! ๐Ÿ™‚ keep writing! one day when you do write a book I’ll be among the first ones to buy it ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. Super like the Banyan tree metaphor [wild, mighty and intimidating.. how I like these words ๐Ÿ˜‰ ]

    After reading the blog and the comments till now.. There are Ignorant Knights, Arrogant Knights, Innocents by “blood”, Innocents by “choice”, Innocents of the uninitiated. But there are some Acting Innocents who are well aware of all the viciousness around and “evolve” a simple man to a knight and use them as a shield for all their “innocent acts” :D.

  8. Wow! This was very enlightening and something I think a lot more people should be aware of. I definitely fit into the ignorant category for a while and now I’m slowly trying to dig myself out. As much as I hate to say it, I think on some level I can relate to what you’re saying from the opposite side. It’s funny because I think in the past I would’ve assumed that being tolerant and understanding of everything like that was a good thing and honestly would help people grow. I didn’t realize it was limiting and restricting. I’d love to play the blame game here and point a finger at society for nurturing thoughts that would perpetuate this cycle, but people (myself included) need to wake up regardless of what society says.

    Thank you for sharing a different and insightful perspective!

  9. Very well written. It’s sad that our society expects women to be a certain way to even be called women. Womanhood is most certainly not about natural, biological state.It’s considered at its best through manifestations of weakness, dependence, shyness…anything that massages the male ego really. Just imagine how fickle this ego must be if it depends on and exists only as a response to a certain behaviour from the opposite sex.

    You’d be surprised, but a colleague of mine who is very well read and intelligent and comes from an urban background with very strong and powerful women in the family, once told me that it was time for me to get my eyebrows done. The same person also carried a lip balm and a kajal in his bag as he didn’t like the women he hung out with to look drab and colorless. The nerve of some people!

    • Male ego – seriously silly and fickle, right? Sometimes I think while women are kept & preferred naive in one way, men stay juvenile emotionally in another way altogether. People don’t seem to ‘grow up’ after late teens!

      Colleague – Should ask him to carry sanitary pads instead – would be so much more useful, and women would love him!

      • That is so right! People DO NOT grow up. That is the biggest problem I think. No exposure, no reading, no thinking…just mindless following.

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